Do you get a sinking feeling that your friend doesn’t even really like you that much? Don’t feel too bad about it. Some people are actually quite incapable of a real friendship, and they don’t know how to do anything else besides use people.
If you suspect that one of your friends fits this description, take a look at the signs below as well as strategies for confronting the wrong-doer.
1. Your Friend Doesn’t Call You Unless They Need Something
If your friend is using you, the most glaring sign is that they don’t contact you unless they specifically need something. It may not be obvious at first what they need, since they may be self-aware enough to obscure their intentions.
Obviously, there’s nothing wrong with doing favors for your friends—that’s part of friendship! The problem begins when your friend wants something from you almost every time they see you.
2. They Do Everything They Can to Give You as Little as Possible
When someone is using you, the whole point of the “friendship” is that they get more out of it than you do. If they’re reciprocating too much, or worse, if they’re giving more than you are then they are going against their agenda. You definitely have to give more over the long-term for them to “profit” from your relationship.
First, notice whether they’re willing to offer the same kinds of favors that they demand from you. Most solid friendships involve people helping each other, even if it’s inconvenient at times. Are you the only one who is going out of your way, though?
Don’t ask for anything outrageous; just test to see if they’ll agree to something on the same level as what they tend to ask you for. If they consistently deny helping you, or they even seem bothered that you asked, this is a bad sign.
Worse still, sometimes they may grudgingly comply with your requests, but they won’t be interested in actually solving your problem because they’re just trying to appease you for reasons of appearance.
. . .
3. They Never Seem to Think of You
Unless they need something from you, they never seem to think about you. They don’t tend to say, “Oh, I heard this one song that I think you’ll like!”; they don’t tend to call you during the holidays; they don’t tend to bring back gifts for you when they go on a trip.
You’re low on their priority list, and they hardly ever think about you…unless they’re thinking about how to get something out of you.
Your own well-being should be a top priority in any relationship. Recognizing the signs of a potentially unhealthy friendship and standing up for yourself doesn’t make you a bad person.
4. Your Friend Knows Surprisingly Little About You
Another sign that someone is using you is simply that they don’t really care to get to know you. After all, it’s not you they care about in the first place.
If your “friend” doesn’t seem to pay much attention to what you have to say, forgets important things about you, and overall just seems uninterested, then obviously they must be hanging out with you for another reason.
This goes beyond being simply forgetful.
5. You Only Hang Out With Them Under Specific Circumstances
Sometimes the fact that your friend is using you can be obscured by circumstances. For example, maybe you only ever meet each other when you’re going out to your favorite nightclub. In this situation, if they were using you for your social status because you are popular and it makes them look good to be seen with you, it may be hard to tell.
Switch things up a bit. See if your buddy is willing to hang alone or do something that’s totally different from what you usually do. Unless it’s an activity that your friend hates, they should be happy to spend time with you—if they actually like you.
koretgists 